four.

hello lovers.

i know it's been awhile. i've been super busy these days, and to add to that, super super stressed. i've been basically living at the hospital. my mom's always in & out of that damn place, and i'm just sick of going there. whenever she heals, there's always another issue with her, and the amount of stress & emotion that builds through my body is seriously intolerable. whenever she's at the hospital, my dad is at work maintaining the restaurant by himself, and i just can't bare to see him suffer like that. i try to work there as much as i can, so i can let him leave early, get some rest, and close the restaurant myself. it's just really hard these days, especially when i'm juggling work, school, and making sure my mom is physically healthy enough to take care of herself. sometimes, it just seems like life isn't fair. my parents really do not deserve any of this shit, but i believe that life works in its mysterious ways. i'm just waiting for that day when we'll all finally realize why we were always put into these types of situations. maybe it's a way of god punishing me for not going to church these days, and doubting my faith. i don't know. i just really need a push in life. i wish i could just go for my dreams, or move out of state and go to a good school, but all of that is merely impossible at the moment. i know i'm getting older, and time is flying by, but right now, my life is at a standstill and i need to focus on the bigger picture and that is to help my family as much as i can. to all that continue to talk shit, or belittle people like me who aren't graduating in "time", you guys can seriously take your words and shove it up your effing ass. i will become successful. it only takes a matter of time, but i will make damn sure that i will prove it to each and every one of you.

anyways.
i'm going to atlanta this weekend with amy. we're going to try out for a small korean company, and hopefully things will work out. time is just flying way too fast, and i need to take every opportunity that comes my way. i know music is my passion, but sometimes, i really don't know if it was meant for me. i try to figure out every day, what my purpose is in life, and to all my failed conclusions, everything seems to lead to music music music. i'm praying that this is what god has in store for me, and even if it isn't, i'll still continue to appreciate music just as much as i did before.

other than that, i had a fun weekend. aj & andrew came to visit philly, and they performed at ecaasu. i had the lovely privilege to meet all the performers (thanks & love you aj), and to meet some really awesome people there. even though most of us hadn't slept for more than 24 hours, it was all well worth it.

well ladies and gents, i am going to call it quits. working almost every day is slowly starting to fix my messed up sleeping schedule. i miss writing in this blog, (not that i wrote much anyways), so i will start updating daily. i hope you readers enjoyed my new ventage entry. yes, i know i vent in every one of my blog entries, but i promise i'll have a happy one, one day :)


and to end this entry,
here is a new song that i'm desperately trying to learn.
i love love love it <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aanl-EWzXBg


love yall.