three.

hello everyone!

i apologize once again for my last entry. i had some major venting to do, and i feel like this is a good place to let it all out. anyhow, today was once again, another tiring day. i went to class, the teacher picked on me and lindsay, which is nothing out of the ordinary, and then i took a math exam which wasn't so bad. last week, i totally thought i bombed another math exam because i didn't know half of the questions, but i guess i got lucky. i received a 92! yeah yeah, i hate people like me too.

i found out today that jess can't go to boston with me. i was very upset, but what am i to do. luckily, another friend agreed to go with me, so i'm glad i can still go on this trip. atleast i'm not going alone, thank god. this is my first time traveling without a car in a long time, so we'll see how good my knowledge of trains and buses are. i want to go shopping. lots and lots of shopping. i haven't gone in awhile, so hopefully we'll see some nice places there.

so, i decided to start writing music again. ever since i was a little girl, i would sit at the piano and just think of melodies that pop into my head. they've been with me ever since. seriously, music is my source of comfort. when i'm upset or angry, i usually just sit there and start jamming out to whatever. may it be christian music, secular, anything. i love it. i'm so happy my parents signed me up for lessons when i was 5. if they hadn't, i probably would have signed myself up anyways, haha. i want to buy a really nice keyboard. something i can put in my room, or take to college when i transfer out. i don't think i could ever live without my piano. my next goal is to learn the guitar. i only know a few chords, and like.. three songs. anybody willing to teach me? please?

but yes, i want to jam! i miss when the fkbc crew used to meet up at church, and just spend hours jamming to praise. those were seriously the good times of my life. what happened to us? i miss you guys.


mm, that just about wraps everything up for today. i'm very tired right now, and i have to work from 7am - 3pm tomorrow. ugh, and to add onto that, i have two exams to worry about! anyway, i'm still thinking about getting my monroe pierced. and i really want to buy some stuff on karmaloop. i love love love that store. okay, well here are a few pictures of the clothes i'm eyeing on. enjoy and goodnight! =)





i want this.



i want this so bad, you have no idea.




this would look hot on a guy.





the end.

two.

dedicated to someone special.

i can't believe i'm saying this, but i want you out of my life. we've had our good times, and a great amount of our bad ones too. to think that we could atleast be friends, is not even possible anymore. i don't know who you are, or what you've become, but you really need to get a good look at yourself and see how pathetic you look and come off to be. i've sacrificed so much for you, and i don't think you even realize that. i can't believe how stupid i was to even listen to you like i was some dog on a leash. you don't know how much i gave up, just to make you happy. all my friends were against it, but i had hope in you. i went against them, and i believed in you. that just goes along with many of my mistakes on the list. at the same time, i lowered myself to your level, and got mistreated as if i were nothing, yet i still continued, hoping that it would make a difference to you, or maybe you'd realize that i was still here. yeah, i made mistakes too, but that doesn't give you the right to walk all over me like i'm useless shit. i don't know what made me keep on going. well buddy, i hope you have a good life, because this is it. what the hell was i thinking to ever believe that there was more to where we started.


other than that, life is good. the weather is cold. and i'm going to bed. thank you to those who are reading! i'll have a real entry tomorrow. necessary ventage was needed tonight.

one.

hello all,

this is my first blog entry. i've missed xanga (before myspace and facebook), and being able to write about my life, and the thoughts that i keep inside. therefore, i'm going start writing here on a daily basis from now on. other than that useless introduction, life has been.... just about okay.

i hate college. i don't think i'm meant for school. i've been forcing myself to like pre-optometry/pre-med/pre-whatever you choose to call it, but it's just not me! my love and passion goes towards music, and i really want to live around it for the rest of my life. but the thing i'm most scared of is failure. failing to achieve my dreams, failing to succeed, failing to make my parents proud. i don't know what to do. time is passing by so fast. it feels like i graduated from high school yesterday. i've been spending some serious time thinking about what i want to do with my life, and it's hard. but i'm sure God will lead me to the right path. i know i'm meant for something, but right now, i just don't know what that is. i'm praying strong!

so, besides my little life crisis, today was a good day. the weather shifted so fast. it was so warm a couple days ago, and now i'm bundled up in my jacket, freezing my butt to class. but i like it. i love the autumn weather. it's my favorite season out of the whole year. just the whole scenery with the different colors on the leaves, the chilly breeze; it just gives me that warmth inside. i don't know, i can't explain it. and if you guys can't relate, then i probably just sounded like a cheesy paragraph from a love story.

i've been watching one tree hill for almost a few weeks now. i never watched it before, maybe a clip or two from tv, but that was about it. my friends always talk about it, so i decided to give it a shot. and now, unfortunately, i am an addict. i'm on season 4 already! talk about crazy. i think i have more motivation to watch a new episode, than to start reading my textbook. it's pretty good, but all the lovey dovey stuff in that show gets to my head, and that's not good. no wonder people always try to base their love lives off of movies and what not.

my best friend, jess (yeah, who would've thought we would have the same name?) is leaving for korea very soon. she's going off to teach english, and won't be back until july. i can't even celebrate her 21st with her! hopefully she can make it back in time to celebrate mine with me. but, she can buy me tons of gifts in korea to make up for it. (hehehe) i'm going to miss having her around. we've been through some crazy times together. but that girl has always been there for me when i needed her most. i love you, choboy! we're actually going on our first trip together. boston! i've always wanted to go up there, especially since senior year to visit berklee. and ever since the day i rejected harvard. (hahaha, not). we'll be spending the night there, so we'll have plenty of time to visit different colleges. we're looking forward to berklee, harvard, and mit! yay, exciting. haha, me and jess are seriously so stupid together sometimes. the other night, we randomly tried to name all 50 states. (it was her idea). i think we were in my room thinking of states for like.. 30 minutes, haha. we couldn't think of two for the longest times, so i ran to my other room and opened up the map, and found out the two states were: iowa and massachusetts. we kept talking about boston so much, that we thought it was a state, and forgot about massachusetts. we sound like losers, but i promise you, we are not. haha.



anyhow, that is the end of my first blog.
for now, i must go buy some starbucks to keep me warm.

also! i like to end my blogs with lyrics to some of my favorite songs. so, here is a part from jimmy eat world - softer. (listen to the song, if you haven't already!)


she's perfect in her own way.
smoke rings rising to the winter grey.
shining, stepping off a silver train.
she's amazing in her own way